Home Words

I remember

when 

home was

my car 

packed tight

and days were 

spent thinking

bout where I'd

spend the next night

sometimes

I would be

sleeping 

on couches

in houses

where people

were tired

of me 

where I 

was tired too

but I would never ever sleep

where my eyes

only closed 

to catch the tears

I never let anyone

see

Home was 

me 

at a pawn shop

with eyes cast down

fingers crossed

heart tight

and hopes high

cause a girls gotta eat

and we

were two mouths to feed

though I didn't

always feed myself

with much more

than guilt

empty inside

surviving on will

I recall when 

home was 

me listening hard

to 

cars 

going by

as I 

hold tight

to 

the one thing

I won't cash in

and I hope 

that the rattle

at the door 

is the 

wind

and not 

someone 

more desperate than myself

cause my self

is weak 

from the heat

of this hell

brittle 

and broken 

cause when we eat

we eat

cheap

from

greased stained

paper bags

cause thats 

what cash 

affords you

of course you 

want that three course meal

but this here

is no five star deal

this is 

forty dollars a night

hold the girl so tight

lock up so quick

leave on that light

its all 

gonna be

alright

say it over and over

cause I am

no closer 

then I was yesterday

and I was 

so close

to the edge

yesterday

Home was hiding 

in a building

thanking God

for the kindness

of strangers

sleeping on the floor

on air mattresses 

but too broke 

for the air

eyes close with clothes on 

cover up with coats

hoping she doesn't

know

how scared I really am

hoping that it shows

how sorry I really am

hoping that this 

all 

goes

away faster 

than I can 

dare to dream

I have been 

to the darkest places

and her face is

the only thing

that brought me back

Home was

her patience

as she quietly waited

while I fought 

for us

for just

a taste of a little

bit more

Home was

in the smile

of she

that chose to never notice 

the bad days 

Home was

in the heart 

of she

who made

me reach

for the sweet moments

amidst the 

dark hours

I remember 

and that home

still haunts

in the dark hours

I've made a new place

but I've not yet escaped

I still got the taste

of despair 

on my tongue

and the reach 

for the more

is as yet 

to me 

done