Despair Words

-
He sees
something
special 
something
precious 
and it gets us 
a bit further
than I'd expected
we could go 
but I know
that I respond
better
to pain
to putting 
my pieces 
together 
after being 
disassembled
carefully with disdain 
distinctively
careless 
poetic refrain
we repeat it
it's the moment
the whole thing
the weakness
that invades 
every 
single 
smile
he gives
every single
day I live
trying 
to see things different 
to change
my vision
I see someone
he swears
doesn't exist in 
his frame of view 
and I smile 
and disagree 
and offer 
the saccharine 
sweet 
sordid 
version of me
the one crafted 
by actions 
of men
many years my 
senior
many meaner
many beers in 
sometimes
sober 
subtle 
often over 
the weekends 
behind the bleachers
benign sweetness
say the non believers
I ache for her 
but she's fortified 
by her resilience 
crafted by
the villains 
the willful indifference 
the eager insistence 
everythings fine
everythings why
I'm like this 
I fight this 
he likes me
and I'm likely 
a bad choice 
a quiet voice 
is getting louder 
drowning 
my good intent
making me 
something darker
something harder
candy cracking 
his teeth 
cutting his tongue
leaving the sweet
salt of blood 
and relief
use what you need
chase your release
there's no 
new me
I'm an open 
waiting 
mouth
and bruised 
aching knees
He sees something 
sweet 
and I'm 
bitter tea
warm brown skin
under
dark cloud things
and it's 
hard to undo 
what's been done
how I 
have been hollowed
and filled 
to the brim 
with ugly 
hurtful 
hateful 
things
that grew and spread
and I'm 
a double entendre
a very bad girl 
waiting 
to filled
weighted 
by my skill
at staying empty
vacant 
bare
and he's offering love
but I can't 
carry anything 
but this despair
but this is where 
he has the chance
to win 
to have
what, every other man
has demanded 
a taste 
a body 
a shameful thing
to be craved
and he doesn't
have to love me 
he doesn't 
have to stay 

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