Sabotage Words

I go on each day

like you

never existed

like I

never predicted

your disappearance

insisted

that it was nearing

manifested

the voice

in my head

I kept hearing

they go

they go

they go

and I know

I'm partially responsible

for making it easy

to leave me

without

consideration

believe

I hold myself accountable

for bad omens

for those moments

I spoke into existence

leave if you want

I know what you want

flesh

blood

just

what

the ghost in me wants

but can't let myself touch

can't get myself much

closer than this

lips near

but don't kiss

I knew

I know

they go

they go

they go

slip through hands

like sand

I can't wet

I can't get

my head

around the things my heart wants

so I hang about these old haunts

these bad habits

these old games

all wrapped up

in these sad ways

and your voice

filled with hurt

gets further away

and with my eyes closed

I don't have to know

it's me that's pushing

while you're asking to stay

so when I finally

win

eyes filled to the brim

with bitter

broken

tears

this is

how I fix it

just pretend

somehow

you
never

ever

existed