It's Zenobia

He sees something special  something precious  and it gets us  a bit further than I'd expected we could go  but I know that I respond better to pain to putting  my pieces  together  after being  disassembled carefully with disdain  distinctively careless  poetic refrain we repeat it it's the moment the whole thing the weakness that invades  every  single  smile he gives every single day I live trying  to see things different  to change my vision I see someone he swears doesn't exist in  his frame of view  and I smile  and disagree  and offer  the saccharine  sweet  sordid  version of me the one crafted  by actions  of men many years my  senior many meaner many beers in  sometimes sober  subtle  often over  the weekends  behind the bleachers benign sweetness say the non believers I ache for her  but she's fortified...

Soot stains my tongue from the ash remnants  of the fire we made the blaze in our wake fingers black, trails down the back of my spine now singed tinged with the time taken to grind  bones  down  slow I, mortar you pestle nestled at the base of me settled  sweet  drawing ache from me  working circles  smoothing  soothing surfing at the wake of me sheets steeped the sweet tea  of wet sex sweat  salt  sea I imagine we look like shadows charcoal  on canvas smudged  soft spread across all our angles with abandon with fervor  ravenous  for flesh  teeth bared  mouth  begging to be fed the slow simmer  of glances becomes actions kisses are kindling  igniting  inviting  heat  builds burns bright brighter blinding  we explode  stars in our throes  cries in our throats tears  spill hot  dampen  darken embers taper to glow walls coated in gold we red...

and i'm a broken mess  of bones thrown  with abandon into cardboard boxes separated  from myself what's left  of order in this life that i've tripped through ripped through  heartbeat on speed  quick to steal away my breath  and i beg please take me with you make me fit you you're not even trying please  pack my heart  don't make me miss you remember when  we were  so close our fingerprints insisted  there was no  difference between us when the sun  was hard pressed to fit  shadows between us  when we made so much sense  no logic was needed  and now somehow  while i was asleep in the moment that i looked away in the space  of the seconds that our breaths did not align  you decide  that it's over  and I am only enough for the past  the last few years and the tears fill the room  fill my lungs we are done I drown  and you have  moved on you have  been...

I've captured lust caught on tip of my tongue pushed against clenched teeth the ecstasy of grief the feeling  of  wanton desperate need to be had  to be known  to be wrought  senseless lest I be seen  as something less than eager  hungry  wanting  I have spun sugared  webs of sex open legs  slick with wet  with thirsting  with purpose with becoming  art, abject object useful  to the users hard angry heart I have come  far and away and against the heel of palms raised, warnings  to my calm caring nods of understanding I have collected  word  after word  after word after days and weeks  and years  pressed together  letters  tethered  tied around  my neck  no give  no stretch  no sign  of release  I have courted death  from the depths of my bloodstream dark angry dreams a glass prison projecting  scenes made...

I'm trying  To teach you  How to  Know me So when You say You love me It can only Be the truth only offered as proof of all  you've learned thus far Please Give me  reasons to reason with my aching heart make it art make it speak to me  let it filter  through you  make it spark make the fire  start  the many  necessary  movements You want  passion, I need  brewing I need  doing I need to be  greater  than your  inclination to forget  to set it aside to let it rest  to file it away  Give me reasons to reason  with myself to weigh the balance in  your favor make me believe  that it's me that gets your attention and holds it  firm, fitted into  a place you savor makes you  yearn  makes you  stay  alert  alive  all night all day  give me reasons to reason  with this ache I can only offer  suggestions  the rest is ...