Saudade Words

Sometimes I think 
you wanna lose me
so you can
listen to sad music 
drive all night 
tears spilling from your eyes 
Like your life's a movie 
I'm convinced
you're musing
in the past tense
when it happens...
I was everything you wanted 
beautiful 
and tragic
kind, sweet, easy to please
an air of summer magic
existing
in the fringes
till you saved me 

caught me in the palm of your hands

changed me 

and I reached for you

each
and
every 
day 
till that last time 
till you lost me
till you forgot
what it cost me
forgot I was here
stopped reaching for me
so slowly
I faded away
and you hated the way
the days passed
without me
and you begged 
and you pleaded
tried to convince me 
I was what you needed 
and now 

you're holding back 
those tears

replaying the scenes
But this 

was never more 
than just a dream 
You just like the way 
that ache tastes 
You revel in that sad place
the melancholy 
the liminal 
of had
and lost
you want that empty field 
to lay your heart out 

in the sun 
sometimes
I think

you want to lose me 
so you can 
savor 
the suffering 
in the 

delicious 
silence
left 
when it's all said 

and done

and you 

can wish for 

everything 

it was