I make lists of things that I think will make me somehow better at life the things that I need the things that I like the ones that feel right and I find every first line holding your eyes your hands your face your name and my heart is afraid desperately trying to quickly erase to start over to replace the ache that I feel I avoid avert appeal to my lonely aching soul to let you to leave you to make you go a fresh page blank lines pen set and I drag it down then across and I know... I know I know... that this list is my truth and my heart has been lost
I am looking for a little bit of romance I am weak for it in need of it the sweet of it a confection of care and feelings with delicate textures buttery vestures heartfelt melt in my mouth gestures I want kindness wrapped like ribbons in my hair lace edged everything warm low lights soft heat gentle pressure urging pleas of please lavender and velvet soft at the back of knees plush lush rugs to caress my spine to beg me to recline strawberry jam on golden spoons under a golden moon hung low in the sky stars glowing the indigo blanket of night the soft pastels of dawn sun casting gentle shadows on a verdant lawn checkered blankets wicker hampers a day blue and bright hands in hands soft smiles bubblegum blushed cheeks subtle glances asking all the things I need flowers flirting ...
He sees something special something precious and it gets us a bit further than I'd expected we could go but I know that I respond better to pain to putting my pieces together after being disassembled carefully with disdain distinctively careless poetic refrain we repeat it it's the moment the whole thing the weakness that invades every single smile he gives every single day I live trying to see things different to change my vision I see someone he swears doesn't exist in his frame of view and I smile and disagree and offer the saccharine sweet sordid version of me the one crafted by actions of men many years my senior many meaner many beers in sometimes sober subtle often over the weekends behind the bleachers benign sweetness say the non believers I ache for her but she's fortified...
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