Fallow Words

I have nightmares 

about the way it ended

how we'll never get it 

back 

those moments 

of open mouthed screams

veins taut and pulsing 

rhythmic and heated

the way the light 

just snuck 

past the blinds

so that the shadows 

cast a mask across your eyes

and I could see 

the sun 

hiding 

afraid 

behind the trees

I toss and turn 

and burn 

with need

to hold on tight to that time

as it threatens to slip away 

when I awake 

in a cold sweat

throat left 

dry 

eyes wet 

with tears 

chest heaving 

breathing desperate ragged breaths 

left sore 

heart gored 

gaping 

taking time to recreate 

reanimate 

my memories

stitching stills 

of frozen faces 

before they melt 

faceless

figures 

sitting silent 

at the tip of my tongue

desperate to remember 

all the ache 

we've come from 

I have these nightmares

that I'll forget

the look in your eyes

the bite of your words

teeth sunk deep

into nerves 

the beautiful bright bloom 

of the hurt

spreading 

seeping 

weeping from my eyes

accusations 

blatant 

as our lies

predation 

baiting 

naked thighs

wrists 

lips 

the hollows 

at our throats 

the tender flesh of hope 

I know 

I know 

I know

we were never gonna be 

you were never gonna leave

I made it all up in my dreams 

I was never gonna be 

the type 

to give up my whole life

so we sit 

across the table 

unable 

to deny 

our truths 

our commitments to them both 

and the love 

we ached to prove 

by denying yourself to me 

while I 

denied 

myself to you