Imposed Words

I imagine

that we lock eyes

and I 

am exposed 

before you 

that you see things

from before you 

things that deplore you 

things that I 

thought 

I could hide well 

I could bide time till 

I could figure out 

how to erase them 

but we lock eyes

and I 

am forced to face them 

to place them 

in your hands

and await a verdict 

I have already 

imposed on myself 

in hopes that I felt 

enough shame 

to realize 

I don't deserve this 

or you 

or love 

or who 

you think that I am 

I picture us 

locking eyes 

and feeling the crushing 

weight of the end

as your hand 

presses firmly 

at my throat 

catching pleas

and suffocating hope 

making tears 

pool and soak 

the pillow 

beneath me 

believe me 

when I say 

that I am not enough 

to fill a day 

or your heart 

or your hands

or your head

but I will 

if you allow

freely, fiercely 

fill your bed

as we lock eyes

for a split second 

before I turn away 

and press

my face soft into denial 

I won't, can't, am not, 

forever

but I can be 

a little while