What Next Words

I will start

with the simplest 

of statements

the most honest 

of proclamations

I am sad 

at this turn 

of events

this turn of my head

and my heart

and the hard

dark 

parts

on the inside of me

I pushed 

pushed pushed 

repeatedly 

down 

down down 

all the hurt 

that reached up 

to blind me 

all the pain

that reached up 

to bind me 

to my lonely ways

and fought against myself

with a smile 

on my face

to let myself 

have something 

that I have always craved

to lead myself 

somewhere

that I have always been afraid 

and now it seems 

it's all starting 

to fade 

and I feel myself 

as I slowly drift away 

and I can admit 

that it's a feeling that I hate

but it seems for me to be 

the most permanent of states 

I look up at the sky of us

and can't help 

but to sink low 

into the waves

aching 

only 

to get away

I will end 

with the simplest 

of statements 

the most honest of proclamations

I am at 

a difficult place

do I fight myself again 

or do I

walk away