Overwhelmed Words
This may be
more than I bargained for
more than I can bear
how do I balance
being
good
to someone else
just when I decided
to be good to myself
I'm supposed to put down
the baggage
that no longer serves me ,
be free
but somehow
along the way
I've detoured
picked up more
picked up the remnants
of things
that don't work
that won't work
and I
don't want to be the reason
for anyone's hurt feelings
I don't want
to be responsible
for someone else
when I promised
I'd finally
take care of myself
and maybe
I should understand
that there is nothing
and no one
out there for me
but I don't want
to settle
I don't want to be chosen
because
someone is frozen
in place
and I'm the only option
I'd rather keep
walking
I'd rather keep
talking
to myself
bolstering what may be
delusions
I want to be
in place I believe
I'm the one
not just
the only one in reach
I wanna be
chosen out of a crowded room
not the only face
in any empty one
not a consolation prize
not a might as well
not a default setting
and I know I'm forgetting
I've never been
anything to anyone
but I'm allowed
to hope
to go
forward
to start betting
on my own sense of self
I think I may be
in over my head
deep in this well
unable to tell
myself
that things will be
okay
unable to see
how to walk away
without disrupting
the status quo
the status though
is stagnant
still
stuck
in a hamster wheel
taking turns
going round
getting nowhere
and it hurts
knowing now
that I've been there
for so long
it feels like
the only place I'm allowed
to inhabit
cause old habits
die hard
I've waited
patient
in the back of my own mind
discouraging changes
but, god, I want
and my heart
rages
aches
begs
for something
to show me that I
exist
in someone else's
timeline
that we parallel and intersect
that we wish for each other
when we introspect
I think I'm in over my head
but I don't want to forget
that I'm allowed
to want to reach for
what's next
Comments
Post a Comment