Away Words

I'm sure that I 
was never
a proper part of you 
you never held me
and saw our future
I was small in your eyes
both light 
and heavy in your hands
like clouds
filled with storms
my cries an omen
to the future
you had prayed for 
you had prayed more
for freedom 
fervent in your delivery
but you lay down 
repeatedly 
and gave yourself
away 
away 
away
this word now kin
with your lips 
your life
your voice
this noise washed over you
and became your song
was I wrong
was there never a place 
where we where whole
were I was more
than mistakes 
you refused 
did you never notice 
my eyes as your own
or could you only know
that weight
of my bones 
at your waist
at your hips 
the way I broke 
the life you'd dared to wish 
you spelled it out
blindly 
in my palms
away away away 
as my first words
were ones that begged you stay
you pushed harder 
sweat drenched
tears making mockery 
of your well dress 
willing words
to find me 
guide me 
away 
for just one minute 
one hour
one day 
then always 
you gave me these words 
in place of yourself 
to hold the space
that you felt
you must flee from 
I was never part
of that place
where your heart 
was supposed to be 
I was an echo in the empty cave of you
you were more
much more than me
and my burden 
you were so certain 
that life had bigger plans
better plans 
better than 
all the tomorrows
I made you face
so you gave me 
away 
the only word
you would ever spare for me
and from it I was born
I was torn 
in two
never being claimed by you 
away, tattooed
on my very soul
so that now when I close my eyes
I hear your voice
heart heavy
in your throat
waiting, praying, saying
not to stay
not even me
and these words
can make you exist
you were never here
you could never stay 
you have only ever
always been 
away