Ghost Words

She was a ghost

most of my life, like

she died

but I

still had to see her

on weekends

and they tried

to convince me

that blood binds

and I

had to respect

the truth

she was who she was

and I wasn't allowed

to deny it

and I  spent

weekends

trying to decipher

life as it pertained

to this woman

who gave up her life

for three people

and then proceeded

to give up on their lives

for her own human reasons

and so I tried

to understand her fears

while she

tried to undercut the years

that another woman

gave away

not to take her place

but to fill a place

inside herself

that life had denied her self

and the weekends

consisted of

playin cards

with my big brother

cause she kinda loved her

self a little more than us

so she left

a little cash for us

to go to the corner store

while she took her time

at the corners for

conversation

relaxation

contemplation

on whether or not

she would take us next week

lets keep

playin these games

where she only stayed

long enough to tell me

and maybe us

that "He dont love us

like she does"

and I’m like not quite

sure at my age

what the fuck love is

or was, but enough

is enough

but they never let it go

they kept making me go

and she kept tellin me

I was her favorite

followed by a kiss..

"baby I'll see you later"

and I kept tellin them i hate her

which meant...

(although they never understood)...

why doesn't she love me

why doesn't she hug me

how come she never calls

and why do you defend her

and hold her so high

when she always makes me fall

but these were just my low cards

my hand was my weakness

and I just took it so hard

and it left me so hard

and I wonder why they never

tried to save me

or us

and if blood is enough

of an excuse for love

but those are

just the questions I am left with

after spending

my weekends

at her disposal

when she was supposed to

make it up to us

but she instead

made it

worse than it was

if I never had to see her

I could at least

imagine her love

but instead

she introduced me

to the irony of

a ghost

teachin me

to live in the real world

to live in the real

to live