I am looking for a little bit of romance I am weak for it in need of it the sweet of it a confection of care and feelings with delicate textures buttery vestures heartfelt melt in my mouth gestures I want kindness wrapped like ribbons in my hair lace edged everything warm low lights soft heat gentle pressure urging pleas of please lavender and velvet soft at the back of knees plush lush rugs to caress my spine to beg me to recline strawberry jam on golden spoons under a golden moon hung low in the sky stars glowing the indigo blanket of night the soft pastels of dawn sun casting gentle shadows on a verdant lawn checkered blankets wicker hampers a day blue and bright hands in hands soft smiles bubblegum blushed cheeks subtle glances asking all the things I need flowers flirting ...
I make lists of things that I think will make me somehow better at life the things that I need the things that I like the ones that feel right and I find every first line holding your eyes your hands your face your name and my heart is afraid desperately trying to quickly erase to start over to replace the ache that I feel I avoid avert appeal to my lonely aching soul to let you to leave you to make you go a fresh page blank lines pen set and I drag it down then across and I know... I know I know... that this list is my truth and my heart has been lost
self love cause I let myself cry in the shower hard ugly racking sobs chest burning lungs gasping asking me to relax self love cause I admit to myself that I'm unhappy unworthy under self imposed pressures that I never ease up on self love cause I know deep in the places I never let anyone see I am nothing no one never have been never having the strength to be my own best friend self love cause I let myself remember what was done and I let the ache wash over me hot as this water hot as this shame that I claim when I think of opening up of being vulnerable self love cause I won't ever be that weak I will keep my distance my dismissive dark thoughts at the forefront of my mind self love cause I'm too broken to fuck around and find love find out that I was right this whole time ...
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