Recovery Words

I try 

To take the proper steps

To save what's left

Of me 

From the clutches

Of his heat

I fight the urge 

The greed

To have him 

Deep inside of me 

Pushed hard 

Far 

Into my veins

Through arms 

Through lips 

Through wrists 

I break 

As I 

Take hits 

Of him

He's in

He's in 

I've lost again

I make promises 

To myself

To be better

To never go back 

That's the plan

Always 

Aching 

I must make amends 

But he's 

Always waiting

To offer

Just a taste 

And it takes 

All my strength

To end 

This thirst

It hurts

And I try

To commit myself 

To something greater 

Maybe God 

But I 

Must chase his high

And sate

These thighs

Believe the lies

I tell myself

This one last time

But I am weak

With need

I trip

On trips

For this 

Release

Exquisite visits 

Just increase

My cravings for

Egyptian sheets

Silk

Beneath

The promise

Of this faded dream

Two steps forward

Three 

Four 

Back

I'm at

My ends 

I stand in front of mirrors

Confront my deepest self

Confess my sins 

This time I think I’ll win 

But he finds a way back in

And he is at

The edges

And the core of me

Taking

Waking more of me

Alive

When he's inside of me

Chase chase chase 

The pain away

The more he strays 

The more I ache

All I have are these words

To make better

Of the worst I face 

At the wake 

Of this 

Addiction

Addled thoughts

Likely

Lost

Chasing bliss

But I try hard

To take steps

To alter my grip

On the situation I'm in

When I breathe 

Even the smallest

Hint 

Of him

I sink 

Drop fast 

To floors 

And beg for more 

I'd crawl

Through broken glass

For one more second 

Just one last

Taste of his intoxicating torture

Time ticks the tension 

Quick, slicked into 

Every agonizing corner

I am weak from lack of sleep 

Body, battered, bent and bruised

This is my delicious downfall 

Every time I use 

But “I promise I am through”

Echoes of words I abuse 

But I swear I’m gonna leave 

Once he’s had

Enough 

Of me