Conflicted Words

I want two things

at once

to stay

and to run

to be free 

to be loved

to have 

all my broken pieces

bagged up 

sad, but

somehow

meaning something

to someone

being more than 

the sum of

the nothing 

I made myself 

out to be,

then I 

breathe

and the switch

is flipped 

and my fingers 

itch 

to claw 

myself 

of out this existence

every instinct 

makes

every kindness

a trap 

a measured attack 

leaving me 

with the wall 

at my back

every gesture 

making me

a last laugh

a part of his past

it's all happening 

fast 

forcing me

to figure out

how to cope

how to 

make up my mind 

I want two things

only knowing how to be one

I want more

only knowing 

how to have none

and life is running 

out of patience 

his 

or mine 

or ours

with only hours 

remaining until we

become he 

and I 

on separate sides

of a crowded street

where I 

am looking for love

but no one 

is looking 

for me