Insist Words

I am bothered
by the need

to cede 

control of my emotions

they want 

to be noticed

to be focused

on getting out 

into dangerous situations

I am risk averse

they are aware 

of the traitorous implications 

of not heeding 

not being 

quiet 

hidden things

this 

appears to be a war

I may not win 

I may not be in

the right headspace

I may have 

gone too long

living with heartache

they are sick 

and tired

and wired

for electricity 

for synergy

and I 

have become 

a mystery 

to myself

am no longer sure

of my self

worth 

was a definitive thing

low 

end 

almost

vacant 

but my emotions 

have been awakened

urging me 

to take them 

out into the sun

out under the sky

into the blue

of eyes

that seek to summon

my attentions

patiently suffer

my intentions 

to resist them 

to dismiss them 

but they work in tandem

my emotions

and this man 

much to my dismay 

my resolve

is melting 

away

revealing 

a being 

I am unfamiliar with 

there are remnants

there are signs

that I 

may still exist

there are walls

holding 

strong 

by my emotions

persist

my defenses 

submit

little by little

likely 

a mistake

a misguided attempt 

that they feel 

I must make

I must be 

a new me,

find a new way 

to exist 

I am losing 

control 

I don't want 

to go,

but my emotions 

insist