Lose Words

-
I am trying 
to escape the truth
I am 
on the run 
but he is 
in pursuit
and while my heart 
begs me to be still 
my head,
begs me
to move
faster 
farther 
for reasons
I can no longer
comprehend
but I upend
everything 
to escape 
to be safe
and he 
is patient
making space
when I 
feel myself 
drifting too close
he knows
my tendency 
to double back 
double talk
ask for more
ask for forgiveness
ask for a mile
even as 
I know my limits
he is witness
to the complexity 
of my needs
my wants
he offers peace
but I pick up speed
the need 
to leave
burns
the oxygen 
in my lungs
turns my optimism 
into omens
my safety 
into onus
as he approaches
slowly
palms out 
calm now
voice soft
eyes warm 
and I a feral cat
desperate 
for a home 
but unable to be 
owned 
unable to be held
unable to allow
the cage 
my mind makes
to drop around me 
I fight 
teeth deep
as he seeks
to soothe
I am surrounded 
by every doubt
I've ever known
every 
single 
tortured 
ghost
that haunts
my sorry saddened soul 
that seeps into my bones
making me 
too intangible to hold
making me 
desperate to roam 
unattached 
tethered only 
to the past
I am 
on the run
he 
is in pursuit
and though I ache
to let him win
I'm too afraid 
to lose


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