Knew Words

I knew 

in my most 

protected place 

that he 

could never see

me 

as his version of perfect

I knew 

I never was his beautiful 

I never could 

calm 

the storm 

that raged in his soul 

I never could make him whole

I was never 

gonna be forever

and he never lied

he never tried

to fill in my gaps 

to suit himself 

he never needed to 

I gave myself freely to 

the thought of him 

he never promised 

that I would always

hold his heart

he never said there'd be an end

cause did We ever really start

didn't I lace up my sneakers

and chase him 

from day one

wasn't I aching to taste him 

and take one 

day at time 

it's fine 

I understand 

I understand 

I understand

my mantra to myself

every time he said 

no, not yet 

let's get to a better place

I wasn't enough to be his 

every day 

and everyday 

I worked to be 

a better version 

of me 

hoping to finally 

change his mind 

but I knew 

even then 

that I'd only 

ever be a one

in his search for a ten 

for a tense 

few years we danced 

the dance 

of tomorrows 

of plans 

for waking in the same bed

for building the same nest

to hatch our dreams from 

but we finally

woke up 

we both, kinda had enough

he was tired of waiting

for me to magically be

his waking dream 

and lacking, 

being less than,

was exhausting 

and my arms 

grew heavy 

holding 

the heart

he wouldn't accept 

except 

I always knew 

the truth 

and I

have to take the blame

for expecting something different

while drowning in the same

sea that told me 

in not so many words

that I, just wasn't

Her

I chose to not believe

I chose 

to abandon me 

in useless attempts 

to bend, to conform, to complete

a man 

that could never see me

the way I needed 

I see it 

now the truth 

everyday 

anyway I have to 

to remember

the remnants of 

life's love lesson when you lessen 

your worth 

I will remember 

to find all of me 

first

before I try to drink him in 

and subsequently 

die

from this thirst