Heavy Words

Lift my shirt 

In slow motion

Bare 

My back

And let your eyes 

Track 

Those scars 

Those are

Behind me now

But you should see them

You should 

Know that I

Carry this weight

Every place  

I go

Every day 

Is so much better 

Than it used to be

We used to be

Little 

Lovely

Girls

Good good girls

We use to have smiles

We use to have souls

But so much 

Goes 

Into sinking 

Down to those 

Dark places

Pretty faces 

Found 

Us

In his room 

In the dark

With lights

--secrets

We can keep em

Good girls 

Hold their tongues

We played games 

That never seemed

Like fun

But one 

More time

And I 

Am done

This is 

Something

He calls love

But I'm not sure

Enough

Of this truth

We used to 

Have choices

Belt buckles biting 

Backs

And that

Is that

Or we could 

Make him smile

Make him 

Happy 

While

We attempted

To save 

Our own skin

Our own kin

Sinking 

So 

Low 

Our own sins

Thinking

No one

Knows

Probably

Its our own fault

She never did 

Recover

Really 

Probably

Doesn't see the same face

In the mirror

Anymore

Any more than she could

Distinguish the difference

Between love

And boys who just 

Wanna fuck 

Wanna try their luck

Cause everyone knows

She's broke

And me,

I am something else

Broken in a different way

Into a different

Shape

Shifting quickly

To escape the weight

Of touch 

Too close 

Is too much

And your hands 

Are too soft 

And I need them 

Too rough

My heart hardened 

Hardly worth 

The wait 

And hers 

Simply stunted 

Desperate for a taste

Of anybody's weight

Pressing her 

Mistakes 

Deep into the place

She aches

To fill

Still numb 

Still dumb 

Thinking her heart 

Beats when 

She comes

That it's nestled

Between her legs

And yes 

She wants to 

Offer it to you, and him

And them 

And then 

Maybe she can 

Feel love

Real love

Real life 

Or something like it

And I am here 

Trying not to fight it 

With you

Having put the past behind me

But those scars

Are never far

And you should know

They remind me

Every time 

That shirt comes off

I've lost my chance

To be anything 

To anyone

Other than what I am

Bare it 

Slowly 

So we

Both know what the real is

So you have time

To decide

If you

Can bear to deal with

The weight

I take 

With me 

Every single day 

Its much too late

To change

And I couldn't

Anyway 

So look hard and long

And like it 

Or not

It's all that I can

Offer

Only that I will try

Only when I

Decide

And chances are

You are gonna

Need more

Strength 

Even

Than myself

To sustain

The weight of us

Cause I can only bare so much

While bearing 

These scars

And the impossible weight 

Of love