White Lie Words

-

I cried last night 

in his arms

but only 

honestly in my mind

because 

he has taken 

away 

any 

breath

I had left 

to say 

the words 

I am desperate

to find

and deliver 

gently

like his hands

on my cheek

I have to 

speak 

now 

cause I'll never 

know this peace

if I don't offer 

him the truth 

I 

am 

through

pretending 

intending to 

be 

here 

forever

I'm never

going to his sun 

I'm to busy 

being 

numb

I let him say 

those words

creamy and rich 

like butter

uttered 

when he finds

his eyes 

closed

head thrown 

back 

in that 

moment 

when he breaks 

inside me 

owning

only 

flesh 

yes, 

he says 

he loves me 

makes my name

something 

sacred

slipping 

past his teeth

and me 

always blue

as I forget 

to breathe

please please please

leave love

at the edge 

of my doorstep

we are more sex

than soul 

but he doesn't

know

and I am 

afraid 

to watch him 

walk away

to listen 

to the ruin 

I create

as his heart breaks

I 

can not stay

I 

am not made 

for the long haul

not built out of 

storybooks

look 

I'm just a girl 

an empty one at that

and that 

is what I need 

to say 

but maybe 

not tonight

maybe, it's not right

but

I'll give him

one more

day 

before 

we die


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