Honestly Words

-

The truth is

I have no idea

How to do this

How to fill this bed

On my own

How to handle

Life alone

I was good for awhile

I was living

And I was happy

And actually

Loved

Alone time

But I

Am over it

I am lonely

Everyday

I imagine

The man

In line

At the market

Might

Maybe

Have winked

At me

Even though he

Is clearly there with his wife

I think maybe

I am falling apart a bit

Kinda losing at life

Like

Just the other day

I swore that a re-tweet

Might be

The start of something

Beautiful

Instead of just

The technical error that is was

Hard fail

Finds me

Feeling broken

Open to possibilities

That don’t seem

To be

Looking for me

So I wait

Arms ready

To hold

Or be held

While hoping

That this smell of coconut

In my hair

Will do the trick

And that maybe

Some great guy

Is into full thighs

And legs

And has real sheets

On his bed

And likes me

Maybe loves me

Even though

Sometimes I’m ugly

When I cry

Which I don’t do a lot

Cause I’m kinda broke inside

And he remembers

My number and my name

And he’s okay

With the fact

That I might be afraid

More than I am ready

More than I let on

And he loves

Cats

Cause I have two

And he doesn’t think

Offering me weed

Is the same as giving me

Compliments

and condiments 

on the side of fries

is not foreplay 

or anything really 

other than some sauce

and I am at a loss 

really of how to be 

without someone 

who to argue that with 

who I can actually see myself with

After 

Those words turn into laughter

I mean I'm kind of a loner

but I'm over

the permanence of that 

I'm sad 

and I don't want to pretend 

that I'm not

I only want 

a hand that fits my own 

and a dream 

that doesn't end 

when 

my eyes open 

I'm open 

to suggestions

and lessons

on how to be seen 

noticed 

noted 

across 

the edges 

of my mind

cause the truth is 

the ways I do things

are not conducive 

to the truest 

parts of me 

that parts that believe

in love 

and the stuff

I read in the poems 

that I see

I want it for me 

I want it to be real 

but I can admit 

that the truth is

I have no idea

what exactly it is 

that I'm doing


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