Sill Words

I understand now 

Why I am this way

Afraid

I have spent days

Months 

Years 

Thinking

It was your heart 

I was missing 

But I remember now

A little girl

Perched 

At a sill

Willing her to come

Just this once

Breath

Fogging the glass

Head pressed

To see the

Last 

Of the sun

Set 

Without her

Or a show of regret

And I recall now

That I left

My heart 

On that sill 

And I guess 

That its there still

Stale 

Stalled 

All

Because I was young

And dumb

Enough to love

The one 

Person 

I should have liked

To trust

But 

Life is funny that way

And she was 

Fickle

Fluid

Moving through 

My hands 

She was a ghost 

I should've known

But I had hope

Then

When

I was someone else

Other than this 

Self 

That I have come to know

I understand now

And I can't say how

I feel

About this revelation

But please be patient

I left my heart

On that sill

I have been hollow

Ever since

I'm not sure 

I ever will

Be the me you need

Or ever 

Have the strength 

To let you fill 

The vacant spaces 

Where my heart 

Used to be

And I looked 

All these years

For you 

And sadly forgot 

About me

About being incomplete

I hate to have to be

The bearer of bad news

But I have lost

Anything I could’ve

Offered you

Often you

Look at me as though

I am something

Someone

Who isn’t lost

But pause

That train

Of thought

I left it

My heart

On that ledge

On the sill still sitting

Under unwitting

Withered worn and dirty glass

I know you want

Much more

But I beg you

Please don’t ask

I understand me now

We were never

Meant

To last